Let's Keep Up The Chatter!

"Lisa on Ice" is one of my favorite Simpsons episodes. With the exception of the tennis episode with Pete Sampras and Co., the Simpsons writers always favor us with a classic whenever they delve into the wonderfully wacky world of sports. I happened to catch Lisa on Ice last night, for probably the 10th time, and a few thoughts occurred to me. No matter how sharp the episode is when satirizing parental motivations, overzealous fans, sibling favoritism and violence in youth sports, it just can't nab the details. Sports fans watching sports movies are like theoretical multivariable math/physics students watching The Core or Pi, constantly interrupting and ruining everyone else's enjoyment by pointing out factual errors that nobody else could possibly know or care about. I can't help but watch this episode and think things like "Those lines are the wrong color," "You can't stop on a penalty shot, the ref would whistle the play dead," "The time clock doesn't count down during a penalty shot, everyone knows that," "The Big Championship Game ends in a tie? Really? What kind of shoddy, amateurish, morally relativisic league is this? What are those kids even playing for anyways, FUN!?" These sorts of announcements are not well-received by anyone watching with me.

The real question of course, is whether these inaccuracies even matter. The episode is a brilliant satire of the bizarre pressure and expectations placed on child athletes by both parents and the sporting culture. This pressure creates a predicable response: Children, seeking positive reinforcement, will adopt an attitute and behave in a manner that ensures approval from their parents. Kids take sports as seriously as their parents and (to a lesser extent) their coaches do. Lisa begins the episode failing gym and only joining hockey to get a passing grade. Her and Bart quickly develope an insanely aggressive and competitive relationship as a direct result of Homer's favoritism towards the superior athlete, as well as his constant reminders that they are in direct competition for their parents' love.

***Tangent: Some the lines are so hysterical they make me wonder why other shows even exist. Some examples:

Homer: "Okay Marge, its your child against my child. The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore."

Marge: Stop it, stop it, stop it! (Flicks light on and off.)
Bart: Mom, that is really annoying.
Lisa: Bart started it.
Bart: Uh uh, Lisa started it.
Marge: I don't care who started it. I don't ever want to see you two fighting like that ever again. We love you both: you're not in competition with each other. Repeat: you are not in competition with each other.
Homer: Hey! Apu just called. This Friday, Lisa's team is playing Bart's team. You're in direct competition. And don't go easy on each other just because you're brother and sister. I want to see you both fighting for your parents' love! (Flicks light on and off.) Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Uter: (Homer chases him with a wet towel) Don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate!

Homer: (to Bart) You won, so I'm going to live up to my side of the agreement. Here's your turtle, alive and well.

Jimbo: Nice PJs, Simpson. Did your mommy buy 'em for ya?
Bart: Of course she did. Who else would have?
[Pause]
Jimbo: (menacing) All right, Simpson, you win this round.

Lisa: [sobs] Mom, this is really scary.  I'm going to get my first F
 ever.
Marge: Cheer up!  So you're not good at sports: it's a very small part
 of life.
Homer: [walking in, humming] Sports, sports, sports, sports, sports,
 sports, sports, sports...Marge, Bart rides up in the front seat
 today because he's a good guy at sports.
Marge: [whispering] I think Lisa needs to feel a little special tonight.
 How about letting her ride up front too?
[Homer looks at Bart, who shakes his head]
Homer: Ehh, I tried.

Milhouse: "Hey, way to knock out my teeth!"
Apu: "Yeah that's it Milhouse, keep up the chatter!"

Back to the show.  The end of the episode features Bart and Lisa overcoming the town's (and
Homer's) small-mindedness and reconciling, agreeing to end the game in a tie.  Lots of messages
in the episode, none of which, the argument goes, require absolute attention to detail.  I agree
with that for the most part of course, except that the strength of satire always comes from its
attention to detail.  By showing a quick cut to the clock counting down during Bart's penalty shot
or having him stop while skating in (rather than just gliding), the audience (at least those who
notice) is at least temporarily distracted from the message.  Good satire imitates the details and
succeeds because of them, not in spite of them.  This is fabulous satire, but with a few chinks in
its armour.

Of course, there is the possiblity that all the factual errors are intentional and intended to mock
the Mighty Ducks movies' pitiful attempt to create an entirely new sport based, loosely, on what
the rest of us call "hockey."  I hate those movies so much.  The "knucklepuck" scenes make my
soul cry, and how DARE you allow some little punk-ass to wear a #99 jersey?