There is writing now!

This was a hockey blog once. In the heady days of this site words were plentiful, jokes abundant, laughs occasional, and comments were, well, available. Then, without any warning, the posting stopped. Nobody knows why it stopped, who was responsible for all those opinions drying up, and nobody knows when it will start again. Except that last part, because we DO know when it's starting again! Today!

It's not that I stopped having sports opinions. It's not that both real people and people on the internet stopped being stupid. It isn't that "important people" started coming up with progressive ideas instead of this. It's certainly not that journalists stopped being either hilarious by accident or simply because time has passed them by, and that makes old people funny. More awesome websites indeed kept cropping up that I should've been linking to a long time ago. Writing is like rolling a snow-packed midget down a ski hill: the bigger the hill, the bigger the snowball. It's all about momentum, and unlike sports where momentum is not a Thing or a Reason for Similar Things Happening (I'll never believe in momentum again, after Oilers-Hurricanes Game 6), you need to keep that momentum going or your creativity will dry up like a... umm, how lowbrow did this blog used to be? Not very you say? Okay, creativity will dry up like freshly spat-out bubble gum in the Enchanted But Somewhat Arid Candyland Forest. I will try to gather some momentum today so that your palate is, well, not satisfied exactly, but presented with a menu.

Today's date, March 15th (because you are too riveted to these words to adjust your eyes for even a SECOND), sees the Canadian sports fan with a lot to think about. Matt Cooke on Marc Savard, potentially a new rule on headshots next year (you can't just change rules in the middle of the year! What is this, the NHL (Sean Avery Rule Link)? No, it is not), the Oilers' ongoing attempts to dig for black gold at the very depths of the NHL standings (the luscious crude in question: Taylor Hall. Not because he curses too much or anything, it's just a metaphor for a light at the end of the tunnel... even though oil is black and not light... except... fuck it, jokes in parentheses don't count anyway, why try to save them), to the rest of the sports world: Andre Agassi vs Pete Sampras vs Dignity, MLB spring training (will newly acquired Brenden Morrow and Kyle Drabek smartly take out huge insurance policies on their Tommy John's?) and a pivotal no-cap year in the NFL which will not be looked at here.

But none of that is as interesting as a Live Blog of the epic Oilers-Blue Jackets Game on Sportsnet West! Or not "live," per se, because I won't be time-stamping and there's only five minutes left in the third period. Devan Dubnyk is doing is best Jeff Deslaurier impression tonight; a brilliant pad save followed up with two tough deflections that would have been tough for any goalie to stop, except that he deflected them both with his own glove. It is currently 4-3, Aaron Johnson has a goal and an assist to "lead" the team. Theo Peckam and Jarred Boll had a fight earlier that cost Peckham some light bruising around the facial area and Boll some back-of-head bruising which GOOOOOOOOOOOOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL!!! Sorry to interrupt, Columbus scores the empty netter and the game will end at 5-3.

Where was I? Oh right. Jarred Boll got bodyslammed at the end of the fight and while it was cute to see the linesman cradle Boll's head like an American Girl doll, it's sure to be featured on Sportsnet, TSN and in every column who's writer is looking to explain why Things Are Worse Than They Used To Be. The Oilers' loss, however, guarantees another good night's sleep for the Oiler "faithful". Some folks in E-town were starting to get a little antsy when their beloved Oil managed to win two games in a row, though the recent return to crapitude with four straight losses, including a clutch performance in the big four-pointer against the Leafs on prime time Hockey Night in Canada (an Oiler loss AND no Mark Lee? Good times!) ensures that Taylor Hall (or Seguin, but really Hall) will continue his unabated march into the hornet's nest next year. You'd better like pressure, young squire. You know the last number one pick who went to a Canadian team? Bryan Berard, 1995, to Ottawa. Before that, yep, Alexander Daigle in 1993. It's funny is how Ottawa gained a reputation of building through the draft in the 1990's, and deservedly so (Redden, Alfredsson, Havlat, Spezza) but their two number one picks were a) traded and b) unfortunately not traded for the number two overall pick. I'd ask if you remember who that was, but you don't have to remember anything anymore because of The Internet. It was Chris Pronger. And yes, I know you remembered that.

On to TSN, who's broadcasting Calgary vs Detroit. Holmstrom goes down in the corner, the play goes up the ice and is then blown dead. Holmstrom is getting up slowly and McGuire says that Holmstrom's in a heap of trouble. This is excellent analysis because it goes against the grain, ignores the obvious, challenges our assumptions about God and the Universe because Holmstrom is smiling at the ref and looks just fine. Pierre then admits he was wrong, which also challenges our assumptions about God and the Universe.

Intermission. Duthie voiceovers the clip of Jarred Boll getting slammed by Peckham and yes, asks the question "Is it time for a rule change?" Yes. No. I don't know. But the analysts do! Dreger: "Player safety [matters]. The league would love to push a [rule change] forward. It [could] be enforced." He does not know, I guess. Mackenzie: "Paul Kelley wanted to change things! [And now he's GONE FOR GOOD]" (in parentheses because while he didn't SAY that, it's basically what he meant. Basically. Sort of.) Clip of a junior player delivering a headshot to another junior player, a hit that will be a penalty in the NHL next year. Barnaby admits that his mind has likely changed on the matter, that headshots need to be addressed. Milbury, offscreen from his cave, argues with Barnaby and calls him a nancyboy while dragging Hedger off by her hair. Jarred Boll is forgotten, the matter is unresolved, and viewers are left to believe their beloved game is in terrible shape and no solutions exist.

But wait! From the Desk of Dreger comes exciting news! A new rule with some clear(ish) language about what is a legal or illegal hit! Great news! Will there be anything specific in there about what will constitute supplementary discipline and what the range of punishments will be? What will the difference be between a major and a minor penalty? Hello?

Well that was too much for my first day back. Going to go ice those creamy hamstrings and report back again soon. This time for sure. Maybe. Sort of.