Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Things that Are and Are Not okay with the NHL

Things that are Okay:

-15 year, front-loaded, cap-circumventing contracts that are unlikely to be fulfilled because both the player and the team are aware that the player is a butterfly goalie with groin muscles made out of gossamer and voodoo.

-12 year, front-loaded, cap-circumventing contracts that are unlikely to be fulfilled signed mere minutes after a player has declared themselves a free agent on July 1st.  Or by a Canadian on a Canadian team.

-8 year contracts to aging defensemen that is unlikely to be fulfilled by teams whose owner were prominent in Gary Bettman's hiring and supported him through the lockout.

-12 and 11 year contracts, front-loaded, cap-circumventing, signed by Detroit.  Detroit and player contracts are like a Roy Halladay fastball that paints the outside corner:  They both know what they're doing so they always get the call.

-13 year contracts signed by the league's most popular player.  There's no out-clause where he can bolt for the KHL, right?  Okay, yeah, then it's fine.

-Headshots, hits from behind, missed high-sticking penalties.

-Concussions.

-Bankruptcies.

-Labour disputes.

-Neutral zone traps.

-Bad attendance.

-Bad U.S. television numbers, unless absolute top-flight superstars are involved.

-Potential team owners who cobble together money from the sock drawers of magicians, couch cushions of used car salesmen and the power of Gary Bettman's prayers.


Things that are Not Okay:

-17 year contracts that is unlikely to be fulfilled IF the player is Russian, not North American or the Good Kind of Eastern European.

-Potential team owners who are Canadian and RICH AS FUCK.

-"Sloppy seconds."

-ESPN

-The 2007 Preakness Stakes.


So yeah, the Kovalchuk contract is a hilariously bad contract.  Here's the breakdown, courtesy of NJ.com:

2010-11: $6 million
2011-12: $6 million
2012-13: $11.5 million
2013-14: $11.5 million
2014-15: $11.5 million
2015-16: $11.5 million
2016-17: $11.5 million
2017-18: $10.5 million
2018-19: $8.5 million
2019-20: $6.5 million
2020-21: $3.5 Million
2021-22: $750,000
2022-23: $550,000
2023-24: $550,000
2024-25: $550,000
2025-26: $550,000
2026-27: $550,000

The total cap hit is $6 million.  Or "was."  It's ridiculous, right?  Look at the last 6 years!  It takes our beloved CBA that we lost a year of hockey for, chews it for a while, spits some of it out, stores the rest in its lip for years until it develops a Lou Brown voice:




 


THEN sprays it all over the front page of every hockey publication in North America!  A tragemedy!  Except that it's totally legal, totally compliant with the CBA and would probably win an appeal, even though the Devils have said that they won't appeal the ruling.  This is so stupid.  WHY DOES THE NHL DO THIS?!?!  I'M SO MAD I oh fuck it it's 30 degrees outside, who cares.  Enjoy your summer!

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