Everyone loves crappy athletes. Yes, you too. You love guys who are too small, too slow, too ugly to play professional sports. You love David Eckstein because he's too small, Muggsy Bogues because he's WAY too small, Darin Erstad because he tries hard, Fernando Pisani because his stomach hurts and he's good without the puck (I love F-Paz, he is great defensively but nobody ever talks about how good he is WITH the puck), and countless other overachievers. I guess we like them because of the reason people love the Force (shouldn't stretch those metaphors without warming up first, but here goes!). When the first three Star Wars came out the Force was pretty vague, the message was that anyone could become a powerful Jedi if they could focus their mind enough and make rock piles. George Lucas, who hates his original three films like old people hate skateboards, made it a priority to ruin the theologically egalitarian Force with the fascist Mitichlorian explanation, which stated that only certain individuals possessed the biological blueprint to become Jedis. The new Force divided rather than unified beings in the Star Wars universe, and as a result alienated fans. Sports are the same. Fans love to imagine that they too could play pro sports if it were merely a matter of work ethic, that it's not a matter of God-given physical gifts but effort and sacrifice that seperates millionaires from wannabes. That's why we love those little grinders, an adjective that now applies to any sport. They make us feel like we're not so different from our heroes.
The problem with this love affair with mediocrity is that it gets carried way too far. The Toronto Blue Jays signed David Eckstein to a one-year, $4.5 million contact to play shortstop this year. In seven seasons, Eckstein has a batting average/on-base percentage/slugging percentage of .286/.351/.362 (source: www.baseball-reference.com. They'll explain what those stats means better than I can). That's decidedly average, possibly below average. Their current shortstop from last season, John Mcdonald (recently re-signed to a two-year extension) hit .240/.279/.316. Eckstein hits a bit better but McDonald is a tremendous defensive shortstop. The Jays' problem last year was hitting, ostensibly because their better offensive players were hurt. With the Eckstein signing, they presumably decided that McDonald was not a great long-term solution at short even if the rest of the offense returns to form. An offense, by the way, that before last season was projected to be among the best in baseball. Enter Eckstein, a marginally better hitter who's worse defensively. A wash, in other words.
I bring up Eckstein for these reasons. The Cult of Eckstein runs rampant among sportswriters, most of which can't get enough of how he's managed to become such a wildly "successful" athlete despite his crippling handicap of being kinda small. I like David Eckstein, I think most baseball fans do, but come on, he's just a role player and doesn't need to be fawned over like he's Alex Rodriguez. As a result, you see a backlash against these types of athletes in all sports. The charm of guys like Eckstein, John McDonald, Pisani (most notably in the 2006 Finals run), T.J. Ford, Steve Nash, and the 2007 NHL Free Agent Class of Pretty Good, Ryan Smyth, Chris Drury and Daniel Briere is that they take you by surprise. Sports are all about emotion and seeing Pisani score 14 goals in the playoffs elicits an emotional response from both fans and sportswriters simply because nobody expects it. Yet after a while, the backlash kicks in as smarter fans get tired of reading about how fabulous Darin Erstad is and how Alex Rodriguez can't hit in the post-season (stats: .279/.361/.483. Not nearly as bad as some would have you think). The guys who are truly great just get check marks and the Grinders are lauded. I'm not saying guys who block shots, take charges, hold the offensive line and play beyond their natural abilities shouldn't be recognized. It's just that sometimes it just gets out of control and perspective is lost. That's the point I'm working towards here.
When you fall in love with a mediocre player, as we all do at some point, you'll defend them against any argument that they're really not that good. Any foible exonerated, any mistake rationalized, and all flaws forgiven.
*Side note: That only changes when they sign a big free-agent contract. Ryan Smyth was the heart of the Oilers, a tremendous overachiever, King of the Grinders until he signed a 5 year, $31.2 million contract. Now everyone still likes him but think he's overpaid and more willing to point out how he's never put up 70 points in a season. And in reference to the 2007 Free Agent Class, Smyth and Drury are Pretty Good, and unless Briere puts up 95 points again, so is he.
The career peak of these players is to be called "my buddy" by Don Cherry. Being one of Don Cherry's guys is like being a Made guy, you become untouchable. You can cross-check a player in the face, serve your suspension, play a few games then STOMP SOMEONE'S HEAL on purpose and have it all rationalize on Coach's Corner. The worst you'll hear is a feeble admonishment of how what you did was wrong and "broke the code." Don't worry though, you're a Made Guy, The Don will stick up for you by ripping on your victim's BROTHER in a completely seperate incident and use that as a justification for your actions.
I wasn't able to find a written transcript of Ron and Don's Five Minutes of Epilepsy Special from last weekend, but here's the link to the video. What's becoming a problem with Coach's Corner is the incredibly low standard of sports journalism we hold it to. When Don announces to all the importance of remembering that Christmas is about Baby Jesus and not to forget that, we laugh and remember to be more sympathetic to our own senile relatives. When Ron attempts to force the racism angle and Don rejects it, you feel like you're listening to two drunks in a bar, whittling down a sensitive political and sociological topic into one of two camps: First Nations Are Victims All The Time or Hey! Suck It Up And Get A Job! When Don gets upset because Andrew Ference cares about the environment and exclaims "This is Hockey Night In Canada, let's stick to hockey!" right before reminding everyone to support the troops, you wonder if this is supposed to be a parody and you should feel clever and chuckle like you're watching Stephen Colbert.
*Side note: Can I solve the puzzle, Pat? Can we resolve this right here, right now? EVERYONE supports the fucking troops. All of us, all the time. Even if you'd never join the army for any reason you still appreciate what they do. Canadian, American, anti-war, pro-war. We ALL support the troops so stop the grandstanding. It seems to me like some of us support the troops more than others though, since we'd rather less of them get shot and all of them came home sooner.
I still maintain that Don Cherry is a pretty good analyst of the game itself. He picks out the right examples of why the Leafs couldn't get out of their zone THIS time, offers good advice to young players, and when he's giving his Former Coach perspective there's some insight to be had. That has to be the focus of the show, otherwise it devolves into the convoluted, confusing, disorganized screaming mess that was last week's show, rather than a semi-convoluted, slightly less confusing disorganized screaming entertainment that we all enjoy.
I'd love to be able to tie all this together but it might not be possible. This whole post was basically an attempt to tie together Don Cherry continuously and blindly defends the players players he likes, who are usually Grinders, with how sports journalism can both celebrate underdog athletes and act as the mechanism that creates the backlash against them. I'll presume I was not successful in this endeavour but I have a cold, my allergies are bugging me and I'm kinda short. Consider this post Grinded Out.
No comments:
Post a Comment